i lost my umbrella

shortly after losing you

it's still raining

inside and outside

and i let the rain 

damp over me

there it still enough for me

for there is no one could ever be you

Do you remember the day we decided to be friends? I do. In the corner of the class, we talked about what would we do in the future. You promised to make me a Hospital, an ambitious future architect and a future doctor shared the same table. Here was where the story of us began.

Do you remember how hard it was to teach me all the concepts about biology? I also do. You are indeed a good teacher as we made it to quarter-final of medical biology olympiad; my one and only precious experience of academic competition. It was super fun. 

Do you also remember the first time you saw me cry? On our way to Kediri from Jember, the bus got me angry and I felt so lost; you kept calm and let me be in my emotion. I like that, by the way, so I let you be the only person to see my tears.

You let me depend on you about everything, and we accidentally became inseparable. DoCar twin, maxime and minime, or whatever they called us. I let you know first whom i fell for, i let your opinion be part of my decision-making, i let you influence me in everything, and i made you my one call away buddy. You were staying by my side even in my worst year, saying yes to whenever i ask you out, and going to places wherever i want to.

You are the third person (after my parents, of course) to know that I was accepted in uni. And again i continued to be dependent on you, and you didn't seem bothered at all.

Do, i am so sorry for the day i realized that i was too clingy; the day i decided to be independent and tried not to ask your help as often as i used to be. I didn't wanna be anyone's burden so i did, without knowing the consequences behind. As we also have our own things full in our plate, we slowly but surely became separable, and everything has changed just overnight.

Do, i am so sorry for not realizing what to do to keep in touch with you as we always did. I am so sorry that my bits of help are sometimes not as useful as you hope it to be.

Do, there're a lot of things i would say sorry for, but instead, i'd rather thank you a lot. For the helps you gave me, for the attention and affection you offer me, for the happiness you share with me, for the lessons you taught me, thankyou, thankyou, and thankyou. And i also thank you, for letting me send you home for the very last time.

I still wish today's a nightmare and wait for tomorrow to wake up. I am refused to accept the fact that you are now not under the same sky as me. The world is cold and cruel, and it just lost one of its best man ever.

Ronaldo, my dearest friend, a little fighter with a sleepy head, I am super glad encountering you for the last 9 years. You are so loved by many, and i am surely one of them. 

Rest well in peace, go to your infinity and beyond.

Oh, and also, happy 2023!

Sincerely, the one who will miss you a lot 🖤