Twice by 365 days knitting durable relation,

and we finally made the scene to the finish line. 

Turbulent days spent as a blooming journey with great companies; 

ten heads in one path, 

understood naturally the perfect timing to let each of them shine.

With all the persuasion to laugh the torment away 

and to go through it hand in hand for one another, 

everyday felt like picnic.

Twice by 365 is not enough to gather all groovy things with you.

If we might do it again, what another 365 would be?

The first time we tuned in, the joy also walked in.

Then we wanted to do it again for the second time, 

and the friendship happened unanticipatedly.

Until the last time we play on the beat,

I collected a pack of our memories to linger in my pocket.

And for another time coming ahead, 

I am hanging in the hope that distance would be just trivial.

The brainless wrap over you gave me the slip more than just once.

Even so the speck of trace about the thing you've been through points up the paradox.

Yet your core is stronger than anything 

so you can stand steadfastly strong,

effortlessly.

It's the gift of yours caught in my field of vision to stay calm in every calamity onward.

The gleam you have twinkles merrily,

and you already know it better than anyone else;

to let it gloom by the fear would be such a waste.

Albeit the fear will always be there,

we can just let it sink.

As the future is not ours to see,

miracles are also likely to arise in every step we take.

You said the sun is not enough for you, and I kinda agree.

You see that you need another bigger star to feel its warmth,

to melt you down,

to be content;

I guess it's true.

You just gotta conceive that the bigger star you need,

dwell inside you.

I got the same shade of stone you hold all this time,

and you found another shade of stone I had in my suitcase.

Sure, each of our minds processes differently very often, 

but surprisingly yielded the same thing when all is said and done.

Whatever happens soon, know that I won't always agree except for your lasting happiness.

In every bliss and gloom of the day,

having the fun packed neatly on your shoulder is the first thing you need to do;

that's what we always did.

Glad to fight past battles with this kith and kin

I am doing fine, and I hope your soul too.

To let you go is actually an easy thing; I can do that all day, but not in this way. If this was a punishment then this is the best that i deserve, as the sadness lingers literally until today. But still i am doing fine. 

It's ok, isn't it? I hope it is. Still I hope every corner of the street, every book on the shelfs, every anime soundtrack I listen, and every other good thing in the world I find will remind me of you. 

As I was always running in the past, i'll keep running even today or in every other day. Just i know that from now on i will sometimes stop for a while everytime your name pop in my head. And then after the sadness lessen, i'll run again.

You know I won't stop running; i hope i am not gonna stop remembering you too.

What I am today is actually not the person I expected to be years ago; it's better.

My plans didn't all go well, but I'm beyond grateful. I planned to finish my study earlier, I wished to do more cool things, I even imagined to find myself a lover, but nothing eventually happened. I'm sure that my idealistic-young-self wouldn't love my present reality and would see this almost-26-years gal as a failure. I'll thank her for the motivation and enthusiasm of the young, because those things were actually what brought me to where I am, and I would also like to make amend about the things I am not. 

A lot of things happened. I did take a lot of first-times, met many kinds of person, faced novel obstacles, and learned a lot. I still believe that everything happened to me is meant to happen to me for certain reason, and I still believe that the reasons will always be positive. The fact that I am able to through it all cautiously makes me want to give a pat, and tell myself that I've done my best. I deserve an appreciation at least from my self, right?

Besides, persons I met also helped me to discover my self. Some of them helped me through my hard times, gave me an ear for my stories, gave me their time to be spent, took me to brand-new places, taught me peculiar lessons, and many more amusing things. 

Thank you for these past years; I guess I am prepared enough for another hardship ahead?

I hope years later I could find myself as grateful as today; for the sorrow, suffering, and glee. 

i lost my umbrella

shortly after losing you

it's still raining

inside and outside

and i let the rain 

damp over me

there it still enough for me

for there is no one could ever be you

Do you remember the day we decided to be friends? I do. In the corner of the class, we talked about what would we do in the future. You promised to make me a Hospital, an ambitious future architect and a future doctor shared the same table. Here was where the story of us began.

Do you remember how hard it was to teach me all the concepts about biology? I also do. You are indeed a good teacher as we made it to quarter-final of medical biology olympiad; my one and only precious experience of academic competition. It was super fun. 

Do you also remember the first time you saw me cry? On our way to Kediri from Jember, the bus got me angry and I felt so lost; you kept calm and let me be in my emotion. I like that, by the way, so I let you be the only person to see my tears.

You let me depend on you about everything, and we accidentally became inseparable. DoCar twin, maxime and minime, or whatever they called us. I let you know first whom i fell for, i let your opinion be part of my decision-making, i let you influence me in everything, and i made you my one call away buddy. You were staying by my side even in my worst year, saying yes to whenever i ask you out, and going to places wherever i want to.

You are the third person (after my parents, of course) to know that I was accepted in uni. And again i continued to be dependent on you, and you didn't seem bothered at all.

Do, i am so sorry for the day i realized that i was too clingy; the day i decided to be independent and tried not to ask your help as often as i used to be. I didn't wanna be anyone's burden so i did, without knowing the consequences behind. As we also have our own things full in our plate, we slowly but surely became separable, and everything has changed just overnight.

Do, i am so sorry for not realizing what to do to keep in touch with you as we always did. I am so sorry that my bits of help are sometimes not as useful as you hope it to be.

Do, there're a lot of things i would say sorry for, but instead, i'd rather thank you a lot. For the helps you gave me, for the attention and affection you offer me, for the happiness you share with me, for the lessons you taught me, thankyou, thankyou, and thankyou. And i also thank you, for letting me send you home for the very last time.

I still wish today's a nightmare and wait for tomorrow to wake up. I am refused to accept the fact that you are now not under the same sky as me. The world is cold and cruel, and it just lost one of its best man ever.

Ronaldo, my dearest friend, a little fighter with a sleepy head, I am super glad encountering you for the last 9 years. You are so loved by many, and i am surely one of them. 

Rest well in peace, go to your infinity and beyond.

Oh, and also, happy 2023!

Sincerely, the one who will miss you a lot 🖤